My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I forget how to act sober
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
