suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
