What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
