I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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