Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
