I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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