not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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