if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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