you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
