It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
