I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
