I CAN MOONWALK!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
