I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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