Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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