Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
