the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
