We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
