fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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