careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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