I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
