He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We left the knife in your bed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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