I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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