She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize