You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
