My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
