He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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