all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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