thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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