my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
