I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
