A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is Oprah even human
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
