um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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