barbara walters just said penis...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
