You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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