you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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