I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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