Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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