I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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