I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
