living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
FUCK WHALES
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