I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's blow job season.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
