Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My feet surprised me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
