"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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