i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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