In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
