its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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