My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
