i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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