i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
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She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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