I am spending my child support on dildos
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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