where am i from again
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think your dad took our porno
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
