o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
