My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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