yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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