I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
