Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
