Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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