i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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