You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
