I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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