just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
