i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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