The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
