dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
