Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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