she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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