bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
