First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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