You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
40s are totally the cure
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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