We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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