I'm so fucking centered right now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
