Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
