I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
