Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
God, I missed his penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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