It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
